5 Powerful Phrases That Will Transform Your Relationship
Posted by Wendy Jacobs in Nov, 2015
5 Powerful PHRASES That Will Transform Your Relationship
Words have massive power in our relationship they can create greater feelings of love, joy and connection and they can also create feelings of separation, hurt and deep pain. So choose them wisely.
Often when we are going through a difficult time in our relationship we respond in ways that do not promote greater feelings of love, connection and forfillemnt.
Instead we often respond in ways that are a reflection of what we are thinking and feeling in the relationship.
People often ask me, “What is it that I should say or do.”
These are great questions and although I am going to share 5 suggestions with you here.
You must understand that in order to have an amazing relationship there are no quick fixes. Having an amazing relationship comes down to being committed to being the type of person that knows how to have an amazing relationship, that is someone that knows how to consistently influence the best out of themselves and out of their partner.
“How do you do this?” I often hear. Let us start with the power of words. I am talking about the conscious and consistent ability to choose them wisely. What do I mean by this? Your words need to be a reflection of the type of relationship you want to have not necessarily the relationship you DO currently have. In fact the relationship you do have is often a reflection of the words you habitually use to describe it or the person you are in relationship with.
Every spoken word has an internal biochemical effect on how we feel, and that is often why we choose them. Ever notice how you choose to use specific words when you feel a specific way? Maybe your language id very different when you are angry compared to when you are feeling loving? Angry words such as hate, destroyed, devastated, insulted will produce certain negative feelings compared to more loving words such as adore, Sexy, special, fulfilled. Notice how even reading these words produces changes in your emotions.
Take a minute now to notice the words you habitually use and decide whether these words take you closer or further away from your ideal relationship.
Words influence emotions. Do the words you speak elicit the emotions you want to experience in your relationship? Do the words you choose take you closer or further away from your ideal relationship? A word of insight here, we are always communicating, our thoughts are a series of words that either breathe life and love, excitement, passion and joy in our relationship or they can destroy, devastate, cut deep, hurt, belittle, and doubt the person we are in relationship with.
So choose your words very wisely because they have a massive impact on you, what you feel and the way you relate to the person you are in relationship with. Words have massive power.
You may be tempted here to say, “Yeah, yeah, I know this”, but knowing and doing are two very different things, for example we all know what it is we need to do to lose weight and get fit but very few of us do and that is why some people have results they are happy with and others don’t.
For many of us, our words have become our habit; we use them without giving them much thought. Often underestimating the impact these words have on us, our relationships and our lives. Choose your words wisely. Notice the habitual words you use in your relationship and take a minute here to list them.
List 5 words you use on a consistent basis to describe either your relationship or your partner. Actually take the time and DO this exercise, thinking it or reading this will not be enough, take a minute and list your 5 most commonly used words in your relationship.
Now take a minute and think of 5 new words you can start using in your relationship right now that will take you even closer to the ideal relationship you want to have. If you don’t know where to start pay attention to the words happy couple use and adopt them. Maybe you might want to pay attention to words you used to use. Take the time here, and choose your words wisely, because they may have a greater impact that what you realise. Again simply reading this won’t make much of a different but taking the time to do the exercise will great a deeper level of awareness and positive options in your relationship.
Okay so here it is 5 phrases that you can use right away in your relationship that will create greater feelings of love, joy and connection. A couple of these phrases will also help you elegantly resolve any ongoing conflict:
PHRASE 1
“Tell me more”: Often when a couple is arguing it is because neither is really listening. Learning to listen is a skill. This simple shift will cause a huge change in your relationship. Often people listen in order to respond, and are not really listening at all. Give your partner the opportunity to feel heard by simply responding, “Tell me more” , no other response is required just listen and notice what happens.
PHRASE 2
“I love you because” some couples get into the habit of saying “I love you” without any meaning or emotion behind it, and the phrase sounds very much like, “ Good morning” or “ Have a nice day”. Most people like to feel validated, by adding the word because and providing some reasons why you love your partner makes the “I love you “ statement even more powerful. It is nice to be reminded why we are loved.
So the next time you say I love you to your partner add the word because and tell them 3 specific heartfelt reasons WHY you love them. Notice what a difference this makes.
PHRASE 3
“We will work this out” This phrase shows that you may not have the right answer but you are committed to finding it. Using the word we also reflects partnership. Numerous studies have found a link between happiness in a relationship and how often couples referred to themselves as we. We leads to a spirit of co-operation and union in relationship.
PHRASE 4
“Thank you” In the happiest relationships couples make a point of acknowledging all the little things, from clearing the table, to afternoon text message, cooking your favourite meal. Put and exclamation mark on your Thank you make it heart felt so that your partner not only hears what you have said but feels it too. Remember people will not remember what you said but how you made them feel. If you can make you partner feel more loved and appreciated by changing your voice quality, DO IT!!!
PHRASE 5
I appreciate and……. Or I respect and……. : Having trouble ending an argument when you both obviously have opposing views. We won’t always see eye to eye in a relationship but this does not mean that the relationship can’t still be filled with love. A powerful phrase to end any conflict and still feel heard is to say, I appreciate and ….. or I respect and…..
This way you have communicated that you either appreciate or respect your partners opinion and you also have your own. Remembering that the outcome is to lovingly resolve conflict not prove who is right or wrong
There we go! 5 powerful phrases you can plug into your relationship right NOW and notice the difference it makes.