6 Things Happy Couples Do Differently
Posted by Wendy Jacobs in Nov, 2015
6 Things HAPPY Couples Do Differently
Ever wonder what is the difference that makes the difference? Why is it that some couples seem so happy and so in love even after many years together, going through life’s ups and downs but either way the love and passion they have for each other remains strong.
Well I’ve noticed some commonalities amongst these couples that seem to have it all and thought I would share my top 5 observations with you, in no particular order, so you too can have an amazing relationship.
HEART FELT UNDERSTANDING
Busy lives and full schedules can often leave us feeling a little self-centred. Often focussed on what we are feeling and whether our needs are being met. A common theme among happy couples is the ability to stand in the shoes of their loved one. I not talking about just having intellectual understanding of your partner’s pressures, concerns, lives, ambitions, disappointment etc. but the ability to connect on a heart level and have emotional heart felt understanding for your partner.
YOU ARE MY NUMBER 1
Another common theme I have noticed is that these couples put their partner’s needs first, often beyond their own. The difference in relationships often comes down to the difference in what we are willing to do for the person they love. I often hear comments such as “I know he/she would do anything for me .” Now I am certainly not talking about being a door mat in your relationship. Happy couples are where both partners are committed to meeting the needs of the other without expectation, and it comes from a place of wanting too not having too, this is a massive distinction.
GRATITUDE
We all face tough times in life and in our relationships, being grateful is the ability to put all of life’s pressures to one side and really focus on the good in your partner and your relationship.
It’s the ability to have heartfelt gratitude for all the things big or small that make you grateful to be in relationship with the person you are with.
Start with the small things: Take a minute to list 5 things that make you happy in your relationship. It may be as simple as the sound of your partner’s voice, his or her smile. Maybe you partner says I love you often or remembers to call during the day, even if it’s been a busy day.
What I have learnt is that having am amazing relationship is not a random experience but rather a display of habits and patterns that lead to success, love and happiness. Some happy couples are very aware of what they are doing that makes it work and others are completely unconscious of it.
The way to gratitude is to FEEL it not just THINK it, there is a HUGE difference here. So when you have made up you list of 5 things take a minute to FEEL the love, gratitude, happiness, joy whatever emotion comes with it. These positive feelings will build upon the other so make a habit of having ‘heartfelt’ gratitude to create a really strong base and strong bond between you and the person you love.
SWEET TALK
Happy couples know how to talk to each other. Yep I know this sounds simple and obvious so let me go a little deeper.
Ever notice how the words we use can elicit certain emotional response in the person we are communicating with.
How we use certain words and expressions can escalate just about any emotion, interesting huh?
This means you can be selective in your vocabulary to induce states of love, kindness, playfulness and passion. Being conscious of your language can arouse a whole new emotional experience in your relationship. Play around with some words and discover how your partner responds to them. Remember congruency is key here; words are only 7% of our communication so pay attention to your tone, pitch, timbre and volume. Notice how you can play around with your voice to entice different states in your partner.
THEY KNOW HOW TO RESOLVE CONFLICT
Happy couples know how to resolve conflict. Again this may seem obvious and simplistic but there is actually an art and skill set that can be taught and can defiantly be learnt when it comes to resolving conflict.
Resolving conflict for some couples may occur easily and naturally, but often it is because it they have what I call unconscious competence in this area. There are specific things they are doing that make them great conflict resolvers although they may not know what it is.
So let me share a few tips-
Two very powerful questions I have learnt to ask myself whenever I have been engaged in conflict with the person I love.
1- Is this taking me closer or further away to my ideal relationship?
2- What is it that we both need right now?
These are two very simple yet very powerful questions you can train yourself to ask whenever you are in conflict with someone you love.
Asking these questions will elicit a different focus within you, it will provide you with a helpful response to the conflict at hand and most importantly, produce a different emotional state that will deescalate the conflict
From this place you are most likely to resolve conflict in a helpful and loving way.
LIVE AND LOVE CONSCIOUSLY
Every great couple knows that life can be filled with many pressures and distractions. If each person in a relationship loses the habit of focussing on what is important in their relationship they are likely end up in a relationship that is less than fulfilling. Happy couples take time to do what is important in their relationships, they have learnt what works and wat doesn’t and despite the many distractions in life they take the time to focus their attention and actions consistently in their relationships.
For every couple this is different. So ask yourself what needs to happen in order to feel…….. (The emotion you desire most in your relationship. e.g. Love) in your relationship.
Take the time now and list 5 things.
Then stand in your partners shoes what emotions do you believe your partner wants to feel most in relationship.
When you have three answers ask yourself what needs to happen in order for my partner to feel…..in our relationship.
Write 5 options for each emotion you list.
You should now have 15 ways to help your partner experience what he or she craves most in your relationship.
By the way you are having a guess here you could be right but you could also be completely wrong.
Take the time and ask your partner what top 3 emotions he/she would like to experience most in relationship with you and then ask him/her what needs to happen in order for them to feel that. This will give you some clues on where to begin.
There we go that is my take on 6 things that happy couples do differently. Hope you enjoyed it and as always may your relationships be conscious and filled with LOVE xxx